Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
