you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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