I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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