I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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