Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
