He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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