i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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