your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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