the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize