I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize