I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
