I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i came on her dog
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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