youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
