shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
