I CAN MOONWALK!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
