try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
