i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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