We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
