I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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