Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
