my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
