So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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