Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
