The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
