Porn is love you can see.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
