You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're so nebulous sometimes
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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