remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
