i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
