my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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