i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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