I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
