I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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