Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
