That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i love accidental penises.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
