we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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