i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
