I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
