anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize