We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
