The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
