just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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