he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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