I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
