i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
pray to the hookup gods
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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