talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize