Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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