...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
