Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
