My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
