Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Fuck appropriateness.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
