Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
