he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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