my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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