We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
this is an emotional support booty call
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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