just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
