anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize