hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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