You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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