nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
