drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
