best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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