well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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