u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
