3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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