so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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