she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
