So drunk its hurt
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
