i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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