I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sober January is a disaster.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
