He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
