It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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