im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize