people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
